Adultation.

Much like deformation, adultation is something that we don't understand until the process begins. We pray in 4th grade that we will one day develop the body all the goddess twenty year olds in their mini skirts have with teased hair and red nails, then we reach that age and hate our curves while we straighten our hair. We hope that when we are finally allowed to drive our own cars that we will get to drive around with our hair down singing Britney songs with fresh lip gloss on our lips, then we get stranded on a highway with a flat tire or run out of gas in the middle of the desert. Everything seems so damn glamorous... until adultation begins.

Adultation, mutation, deformation, they are all similar. They are all changes that we shouldn't have to go through in life... but all of us have to go through adultation... not a choice folks. Adultation is when we start deciding to make choices literally on our own, whether they upset people or not. That means, maybe it was okay to switch a grade from a D to an A ( as seen on every sitcom, such as Full House), but when you are older, it's not as cute. We get to choose when honesty is important, when being on our own is important, when needing people is okay, when realizing our flaws is okay, when accepting that we have issues we need to work through is okay, and realizing that at the end of the day... it's okay! We have to be able to laugh at adultation while we take it seriously.

We may become "dependents" for the first time or finally learn a lesson after a pattern of failures, but either way as real as the choices are.... we have got to notice not how "small" everything in the big scheme is. But that everything we do is going to affect us, so we might as well embrace it, and laugh, and learn, and move on! I hate that saying... "it's really not that big of a deal in the whole scheme"... because these choices are, and every choice is a very big deal.

Everything in adultation affects us, so here I go, I am plunging into the depths of being an "adult"( how taboo is that word?). I am undergoing adultation, it's painful, but I'm going to get through it, because I know the way to survive.

Experience, Learning, and loving- the only ways to make it out of adultation alive.

Jesus, and Buddah, and Allah, oh my!

When ever the holidays come around people tend to start singing songs about Jesus. Not only do they start singing songs about Jesus, but they start praising Jesus...out of the blue. I know I do it, as moronic as that makes me. I love some of the Christmas songs, but come on... just because I am in the mood to watch "The Little Drummer Boy" is it really time for me to start praising something I don't believe in?

Let me over think for a second here...

Now, I have read my fair share of the Bible, and I think it is a great literary work. I think it's something everyone should read- because it's the number one alluded to book in the world- not because I believe Jesus turned water to wine. I know there are records of Jesus and blah... blah... I get it. I am not saying these people didn't exist. But here is my argument:

For example ever read The Epic of Gilgamesh? Yeah, well it's the exact creation story in the Bible... written way before the Bible during Sumerian times! So how is it that the Bible has claims to this story? Why is the story a Biblical story... because at first it wasn't. The facts are, the stories in the Bible are just like fairy tales. They are stories that come in many shapes and sizes with the same over all messages in almost every culture, just like all the fairy tales we grow up with. They are lovely, and well written, and magical, and sometimes inspirational, but they are just that- well, to me they are just that. But here is my argument to my own argument:

If these stories have been told over continents and time... maybe they are real? Maybe the stories are legitimate they have just been tweaked because of the different points of views and cultures that documented them... maybe right? Who am I to say these stories aren't based on truth?

I guess the facts are, it all really boils down to faith. Whether a person wants to put faith in these stories or the ideas of them. That's what religion is, faith. It isn't facts and it isn't stories and it isn't the people who run the church or monastery or whatever Holy house of worship- it's the people who decided to look to the East at the same time everyday, the people who confess their sins to God, the people who take an epic journey to Mecca; it's the people who put their entire beings into their faith. And while of course that causes turmoil in our world, it is a beautiful thing in the end. To choose to believe in the power of something, it's simply wonderful.

If we can believe in "love" as a power, or "fear" why can't we believe in "God" as a power or "Buddah" or "Allah"( Yes I know I am not supposed to say his name, just bear with me- I hope I didn't offend anyone) they are all just words aren't they? Okay, I'll get into the power of words in another post, but you get my point, the words don't mean as much as the value in this situation. So in the end, what I think of someone's religion should bear no weight on how that person views their own religion.

I believe faith to be one of the most personal things, be it faith in the stock market, faith in religion, or faith in love. All in all, we put ourselves into different things, and what we choose to put our faith in, is up to us. So sing your christmas carols and enjoy the stories, and take them for what they are. But, choose your faith and let it have a positive influence on your life.

Tarab.

Right, so I stated in one of my earlier posts that there is a reason that I relate just about everything in life to musicals. The reason is that musicals have been my life, I have lived in musicals.

The reason I am or was so passionate about performing goes far beyond the lyrics of Rodgers and Hammerstein. I have been in love with singing for my entire life, I did it before I talked, I love music. Now I know, as I sit here speaking on musicals and singing I sound as cliche and as dimensional as the 13 year olds rushing to see Twilight for their 50th time this week. But really, I love music. After I had been involved in music since age 3 I began dancing and acting as well. It's a package really, you sing, you dance, you act, you look like your character type, you get perfect head shots, you make connections, and you say the right things to the right people. If all these things don't fall into place... with a bit of luck and good timing I might add... then you have a worthless performance degree and a one room flat in New York wasting away at your bank account while you work at starbucks...and maybe a few youtube videos that got some viewers! Ah, the life of a performer.

That was the life I craved, from day one. I was made for that life, I put performing above just about everything. I did show after show, year after year. I finally went to university amped about the fact that I had made it into one of the top musical theatre programs in the country... with one of the best vocal instructors around. This was it, my real career was starting, I craved this life, I needed this life.

WRONG. I didn't want it, and I don't want it. I mean, I want to perform, I will always want to perform, but I don't want the lifestyle that goes along with it. I want to travel and explore and learn and write...not hostess at a singing restuarant and spend all day in dance calls dressed in head to toe spandex with girls who have the exact same abilities I have. Well don't get me wrong... I do love a good leotard and tights and leg warmers outfit topped off with black t-strap character heels!

What made me change my mind was the fact that, I love far to many things to devote my life to JUST performing! I wanted to keep learning, I still want to keep learning... and with musical theatre all I ever learned about was music, and theatre, and dance. Well, that's about all I could focus on, and it was all I needed to know, but I want to know more. Changes- changes were necessary.

But here is why I love performing... here is the truth of it all.

As I walk on stage left from behind the thick black curtains, with my perfectly curled hair, bright cheeks, and red lips...I have turned into the ingenue. I can feel the harsh lights warming my skin in a way that feels almost toxic, yet pleasurable. I know that all eyes are on me, but I can't see those eyes, causing mystery. I know that there are hundreds of people waiting for me to say my line... but I keep them on edge as I glide into the center of the stage soaking in the heat of it all eyeing my cast members with naivety and innocence. But I am not on stage to say a line, I am onstage to convey human emotions.

The thing that makes theatre so real, is that beyond the suspension of reality, every person in that audience can understand what I am going through. No matter the situation I am playing to, I am relating to an entire audience of people through human emotion... connecting us all for a moment in time.

That is the most beautiful thing in this world I think, when a room full of people from different backgrounds, different places, different ages, different everything, can connect through human emotion and feel for another being the way we feel for ourselves. I can feel for the audience and they can feel for me... we are connected and they don't even know it. That is why I perform, because I love the feeling of connection I get... the tarab, if you will.

I have never bought into the idea that an actor "becomes" someone else, because I don't. There is always a part of myself in my character, whatever character that may be. Because I am a human just like my character, and I want to relate to my character just as the audience wants to relate to my character and me. There will always be myself in my character- that's how my character becomes a real breathing human being with thoughts and a past and a future.

So that is why I relate everything to musicals, performing has been my life, and it will always be part of my life. I can't let go of that feeling, and I hope this helps you all understand musical theatre or any kind of art or performing art in a different way. It's not just about kick lines and sparkly dresses or color combinations- it's so much more.

Katie on Lovely Love.

Love. It's true I love far to many things in life. But for a second I want to concentrate on that sweaty palmed, racing heart, rosy cheeked love.

This past week I got to spend with my love. The english man himself crossed the atlantic and spent american thanksgiving with me and my family. Although I know I'll be over in the Uk with him in 3 weeks, I can't help but feel this sort of emptiness when he leaves. As the day went on, I just felt kind of torn between tired and glad to see friends and uncomfortable with being alone again and sad. It's a very odd feeling( please forgive how disgustingly mushy I sound.)

But what is it about love that is so wonderful and can quench our desires yet can leave us feeling so thirsty for more when it's gone? Why am I... the girl who never falls deep... finding myself trudging in swamps of knee-high romance? How do I define this intangible thing... how do I define what I'm feeling?

Have you ever looked up a definition of love? It's absolutely ridiculous and leaves a person feeling like who ever wrote these definitions is full of bull shit and roses at the same time. There are all these giant metaphors and colossal descriptions of Love that only describe smiles and things that seem so fake and unrealistic. But love is undefinable, it's too many things, to too many people to have a definition.

Love is different for everyone in their own relationship. For me love is the fact that we make long distance work, love is the fact that he hates musicals and yet is willing to go with me, love is the fact that I never want to leave his side yet I am willing to spend months apart because I know the future will be better, love is the fact that he calls me a window licker and I don't get offended, love is the fact that he makes me laugh... a lot, love is the fact that he doesn't mind that I say stupid things and act like a nut job sometimes, love is the fact that I am not bothered at how big of nerd he actually is on the inside, love is the fact that I make up words to songs on the radio and he rolls his eyes at me but just lets me blissfully sing, love is the fact that he knows my flaws... yet loves me.

Love to me, with him, is a lot of things... but definable is not one of those things. I don't understand why we feel the need to define love.

Here is the thing, we don't need a definition to tell us if we are in love or not, we just need to open ourselves up to people and trust what we feel. We can fall in love with many people in our long lives, but to find two people who are in deep with each other and understand each other and want to make it work... that's the ultimate. And that's lovely.