Fear.

I absolutely hate the word fear. No really, I mean hate as in if it were a person I might lower my standards to backstab him and spread unseemly lies to ruin his life, type hate. That's strong folks. I even dislike bolding in writing- but felt is necessary to bold the word hate. Let's stop me here before I become even more dramatic about the situation and end up sounding like a character straight out of The Glass Menagerie or any other Tennessee William's work for that matter. Although, who doesn't enjoy being a bit overtly dramatic every now and again? Just me? Well, moving on....

Fear, this mindset like happiness, causes people to do irrational things, or better yet causes them not to do things that they might really feel the need to do. Fear controls people.

Now, I guess the reason I hate fear is because I hate authority or anyone who tries to control me, that has been a problem my whole life. No doubt about it. And to me, fear is that authority figure shaking it's long slim grey finger in my direction whenever I want to take a leap or step out of my comfort zone. Well, as you all know, I never give into authority unless it's in good reason, and even then it isn't without a noteworthy fight.

Giving in has never been in my playbook of life... from refusing to wear shoes to refusing to fill my gas tank up when it was on empty... alright so it isn't always an admirable trait. But as a matter of fact I do like this quality about me. I have never been one to give into peer pressure, never been one to give into my parents, never been one to give into who I was dating.... but as I have gotten older, I have started to care a bit to much about what some people may perceive me as. But no more! I refuse to left fear conquer me, and that is an easy decision for me to make.

What bothers me more than letting myself get consumed by fear, is the fact that people around me fear more for my life plans far more than I do! That is absolutely RIDICULOUS. It's my gosh darn life! Why is everyone so afraid for me? Now granted, I understand I am a bit of a wild child: my mom once told me she was glad I didn't live in the 60's because I would have been a flower child at her best. I do agree, but I think I see that more of a positive than a negative, which may in fact be the reason that people are more fearful of my lifestyle than I am. The funny thing is, it's not that they are afraid of me doing drugs, or smoking, or being a drunkard, it's that they are afraid of me living a life that is not always supported by our society. It is a life that is unknown to most around me, and it is a life that is random and not planned.

Now I know that the way I want to live, traveling from place to place, meeting new people constantly, is not the life everyone wants. I have been blessed enough to grow up in a family that has always provided me with everything I need, and trust me, I have learned not to take it for granted. But I also see many people who grew up like me living in fear, which has led them to jobs they hate, apartments that cost way to much, a loss of sensitivity, a numbness, and family lives they don't want to go home too. To me, that is way more frightening than staying in a dirty hostel for a night lost in a country. Oh, that actually sounds great to me! I am ready for the adventure, ready to lead a life where I can take risks and chances because I don't let fear rule me.

So, lesson of this rant. I refuse to let an emotion live my life for me- and you shouldn't either.

Apologies now for the fact that this was a horribly written almost 3:00 am vomit of my current emotions. I am purging my worries here, right now. : )