Icy Hot

First off, this is what Flagstaff looks like right now. I am obsessed with the San Fransisco peaks, I see them outside my window- which I always have opened. This first off keeps my room crisp so I can snuggle under warm blankets and also lets me have a perfect view of these lovely mountains. It's an absolutely fulfilling feeling waking up to a freezing room which forces me to run into my shower across cold tile while quickly tearing clothes off my body. It is a perfect way to start a day. I then proceed to put on my tights, dress, boots, and wonderful new wool coat and top it off with a scarf, a braid in my hair, and mittens. I am dreaming in winter right now... which is dangerous for me. I enjoy it far to much.

So today I found myself in such an odd mood. Take a minute to remember I am a girl here, and can get a bit emotional just like anyone else. So I found myself feeling contrasting emotions: icy and raging hot. It was like I wanted to upset people just for a reaction( the hot headed thing) and I also felt like I wished all my emotions would go away and I could just be stoic( like ice). So this in turn didn't bid well for me. I ended up not only provoking people but also loosing my cool a bit. It was Icy Hot. Not in a cool, bitter sweet icy hot way. I mean really, I think I got on some peoples nerves quite a bit. And, in fair reasoning, I was being mental. But have you ever had a day like this?

A day where all you want is to get a reaction out of people, almost just to know that they care? I found myself sitting in my bed with my computer, while megan sat underneath my bed being calm and collected, and I sat up top loosing it and crying quite a bit. The fact of the matter is... sometimes we just want to know people love us. I am no exception, I felt like I needed to know something, I needed to know he was there. It's silly, and it's petty, and it's completely human. We all want to feel needed by someone and important to someone... so today my mood was definitely strange.

I am Icy Hot sometimes and I can't help it! I am a mess I think maybe. But, I will happily spend time with people I love and dream of winter and go running and sing and dance and jam out with megan in her car to get me by without being insane. Okay, well let's face it, I will always be a bit insane! Oh goodness, I will always be overly excited and less calm and collected, there is no getting around it. That is me, but I rarely get sad like this, so when I do... I think it just pushes me into this Icy Hot mood. I am going to try to control it now though.

I refuse to be Icy Hot any longer, even when I want to feel needed.

: )